All you need is LOVE…

{March 19, 2011}   Volkswagon convention 2011

We have been telling EVERYONE that we are at the volkswagon bus convention and wearing this annoying metalic shamrock necklaces and SHAKING them at random times. No one knows what to say 😉 A couple people have believed that we are at a comnvention.. Wish I had a VW bus from the 60s to be driving us around in ^.^


Watching cattle drive – border collies herding, Bandit and Kate, Hoss the old yellow lab pretending he was working. Driven across road.

Fire truck – Got to sit in and take pictures of

Ethopian eating – all served on a plate. No silverwear, eaten with sponge bread.

Pearl street – all sorts of eclectic arsty fartsy places. I could spend alt of money here… ALOT and come back with a whole new wardrobe

Diggeridoo player – Changed his name after 33 years 0.o Whatever. From Adam to Ah-Dom

80s sweater – Pink and white and purple and black glitter thread. Knee length.


Tea house – brought from india in a trade for a fully sustanable internet cafe. Find link to it. Boulder d?? (insert rest of word here) tea house. I THINK

VW bus picture – red euro van

World foods – Vegan jerky (YEAH! I hope its good >.<) teriyaki, mesquite lime, hickory smoked, thai peanut.

Climbing mountains – drive drive drive

Nederland – (know for dead guy days) ( elivation 8200 feet)

Saturday night: I have decided that because Mom knows how to knit I'm going to learn how to crochet. I've done it before, it was pretty simple then. I dont figure i will be learning how to lace crochet those big huge doileys – though maybe I should, from what i have gathered it a dying art. It has a fancy name, but for the life of me right now I CANNOT remember it. (I'm sure mom knows, because Sue Porter does it (: ) <~~ Looks dumb *sigh* I crocheted that hat last christmas ('09) and then never remembered how to do anymore.

I love beading but its NOT very portable. I can't exactly set up my beading in the car and hope to bead, you also have to focus pretty itently on it, not exactly the best for beading and watching tv – Though I can do that.

I'm hoping that I will hae lost weight on this trip. If so I must copy this, three main meals and 2 -3 snacks in the day. I really know I should be eating this way anyway… Its just ALOT of work. but hey, if it works, i want to be done with weight loss. I can maintain like a PRO -.- I'm not amused with that at this point. I just hate that I ever gained all this weight in the first place, its rediculas( i can never spell that word)

The vegan jerky was REALLY good. I may irder it from the food clb. I dont know, I have three more sticks to get through and i'll see if i am still interested in it after that.

Blech – i feel icky today. I ate breakfast at 8 and then a veggie burger at 4. I just dont feel like eating.

I've gone the whole trip without soda. I need to stay disciplined and keep it down to a small soda but not every day, or none would be better. Ive drank LOTS of water.

In fact in hindsight, im pretty positive I will have lost weight this week. Its going to spite me. My efforts are being placed in the wrong outlet – I KNOW THIS.

Im getting excited/nervous for fair tryouts.As long as I stay confident I should be FINE. I just havent auditioned for something in a long time, and of course, like everyone am afraid of rejection.


{February 14, 2011}   <3 Me for Me

I’m not big on explaining things. I more on the side of. It is what it is and dont question it. But today. For my benifit and the benifit of others who dont read my blog (they miss out I guess). They are not long, not detailed, just they are.

Attending church: Since getting married multiple times hurtful stupid things have been said to Mack and I. I wont attend church unless I can drive all the way back to Kearney. No new church. No old church. I’m not comfortable anymore. And right now its a new enough wound that I dont feel like I will ever find a new church up by me. I feel safe at my home church, The person that said the hurtful things has left now. Over something stupid, But I feel safe again.

Having children: I’m scared. I worry that my kids will have what I have and have to live the turmoil I’ve lived because of it. Living your life on medications suck, have a mental health condition that people are judgemental of sucks. Spending time in the hospital for it, sucks. Yeah sure there is a small chance my kid could be fine… but its small enough, that I’m not sure I’m willing to place my bets. If we have one, Great I’d love to be a mom. But after one, I will do all in my power to be sure that for the rest of ever, or at least a really long time, I dont have another. So help me from melting into depression if i have triplets.

Tattoos: I love Macks. I’d love one or 27. I dont have any for a reason. Id have a sleeve covering my arm in a year. I think they are amazing works of art that when done right are breath taking. I love looking at tat magazines, I love everything about the body modification world ❤ ❤ ❤

Piercings: They come out and leave a tiny scar. Get over them PUHLEEESE. I really want more but I get tired of people acting like they are permanant. My husband who was angry when i got second holes is over it. They are how I choose to express myself. I dont do it with ink, Im not good at it with clothes. I choose instead to pick little pieces of metal and jewels. Stretching my ears hold the same place for me. It goes back – unless you go flipping huge. Six. Its not huge. Maybe its a twisted view of beauty. But that as we all know is in the eye of the beholder.

My pets: They are all a bit unconventional, I'll give you that. I love each and every one of them, from the hormonal bird that bites, down to my Betta fish, Sy and Omega. These are my family, these are my children. To tell me I dont need them or that I should get rid of them, hurts me like you are telling me, My family isnt worth it. When I am hurt by the loss of the baby fish I hatched from an egg, its because I invested time into it. I invested hope in that baby Molly would live. (mack says it was sad also)

Dark Movies: Not the killer gross kind. Not huge amounts of blood (Sweeny Todd is the exception). But the dark humored ones greatly amuse me. The little shop of horrors, harold and maude, Dark cultish classics. I could watch them a million times over.

If any of this gives you a little bit of insight into me, good. I realize im unconventional according to most. I realize I dont mesh well with alot of expectations. But I mesh with my husband. My little family. Its taken him yearas to come to peace with some of these aspects, but he has. Thats all I ask, is that you try.

The cleaning ladys are here at work – this one lady says she is ‘very particular about how my house is cleaned’ GEEZE.

Anna came over last night and played video games. It was nice.

I went grocery shopping again and bought a bunch of meatless stuff. It seems that once again its upsetting my gut. I figure its healthier anyway sooooo

So when you start your day out by saying at 9am “this is going to be a bad day. I know already” What do you HONESTLY expect your day to turn out like? Do you expect that the day just MAGICALLY turns around and makes your attitude change and suddenly you’re wearing rose colored glasses? WHAT??? THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS?!?! I’m SHOCKED!
Not really. But if you wake up in the morning and say “Im going to be productive and have a good day. Suddenly, its the end of the day annnnnnnnnnnnd You feel like you did alot.
Self talk is pretty important (I learned this from Research!) And what ever you tell yourself is probably how things will turn out. If you tell yourself. This is too hard I dont wanna do it but still do it… Odds are its not going to look to pretty at the end regardless of your efforts.

I ordered my plants they should be here next week. My stinking humidty guage i bought for TEN dollars fell off. I need to come up with a GOOD way to HOLD it there. Stupid cheap piece of trash >.<

Ill show you the plants I got! – My sun dew – a few BABY (see how small those are?!) Fly traps. I may give one away if anyone is willing to do the set up properly – otherwise Ill keep it for me 🙂 – My north american Pitcher plant

The last three need a dormancy period (cold ass bedroom anyone!?) and the sun dew doesnt… SO I may have to make my little sundew a mini terrium for a few months next winter – we will see what lives and what doesnt

{January 15, 2011}   Goal Oriented – A useful post

Since the beginning of december I have done alot of things to keep me purpose and goal oriented in life. So I thought I would share how I do that. (you know.. A USEFUL blog post? Maybe I can make a USEFUL blog that suddenly gets HUGE!)

My GOALS ( I DONT always get all this done I promise) are as follows:
Make a list of three goals for the next day. Three and only three. If I finish those three then I can do three more. Write them down. It can be something as complex as, Wash two loads of laundry, do the entire living room and cook dinner. Somedays this is the case. Usually though my list looks more like this: Bead for thirty minutes, cook dinner, do one load of laundry. If the same thing is one the list everyday. Fine. Cook dinner is always on mine.
Plan dinners. Some weeks this consists of using my subscription. If you dont know what it is, you should check it out. I save mine every week so I can go back. Other times meal planning is rummaging through cool books for a few ideas and adding in stand by meals that i know are succesful and easy. Tater tot casserole, buffalo tenders, spaghetti. Shrimp something. Chicken something.
Blech. I try to save these all up to do on one day while Mack is at work so I can just be done. I hate being away from home this long and it accomplishes nothing but buying things.
This is not fun…. (Well I kinda think it is because I can nerd out over it. When it doesn’t work perfect is when its not fun.)
Mack and I before we even got engaged (it was a goal we set to do first) Completed the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University class at my church. Whining about the budget is great. But the amount things go further when you tell it where to go is better. Envelope systems for cash are also important. (I’m bad at this and need to improve. I confess.) My best friend uses an online envelope system.

Next post (this is another GOAL) Will focus on a daily Routine for people like me who need one to make sure life stays on track.

{January 11, 2011}   Enter title here

Insert witty opener here

And I am supposed to enter in a GREAT blog post here.

Been beading the last two days I haven’t done much (slacker) but i have put a good three hours in to my undulating peyote right now.

No work because of snow Monday or today. I want to work tomorrow and I plan on it… Maybe… Any one know how good I35 looks?

Have a Dr appointment on Wed and then on Friday and then Friday night i drive back out to baby sit

Christmas is over and i cant explain my joy in it being over. The only thing I look forward to is Scrooge and the Grinch. (does that tell you how I feel about the holiday?) I love that its Jesus birthday I just don’t love the guy standing in the back of the Walgreen’s line screaming “MERRY CHRISTMAS! WE NEED A NEW CASHIER!” Merry Christmas and a happy holidays also to you good sir. (he shouted a few other things I omitted for nice reasons)
I had another good one that happened but I forgot it already. It was good i think… Maybe…

I have received such huge support since being out of the hospital at the beginning of the month 🙂 No one really thinks about it but that extra smile, the extra hug, the extra “I LOVE YOU! DON’T FORGET”. That kinda stuff is pulling me through. Its not like I ever forgot, Its just… I needed reminded. 🙂

Weigh in is on Friday (wowie!! Last day of the year!) I’m not fretting at all, I think I may have in fact lost a wee bit?

{December 20, 2010}   I KNOW I CAN…

{December 13, 2010}   What i’ve done today

Spent two hours working on cleaningthe fridge/freezer by throwing out WAY expired food (if its a little expired its okay) Scrubbed down the insides.

Cooking chicken cordon blue bake – I failed to get chicken replacement today *adds that to list*

Went to the surplus store and got lost of food

Labeled snack food with p+ values

Made mack early dinner so he could finish the work day at orielly.

Dinner tomorrow – pot stickers (maybe weds)

Goober, Princess (he is a boy :\ ), Ten and Ten-Too. They are all 10-10-10 babys.

Goober hopefully in a few weeks wont find a home and will come to live with us.

I need to re do sindris cage today. I am moving him into a smaller cage with a heating element and a special bedding to combat the bugs that he is drawing. He had a vet appointment on friday, but I dont think I need to take him to a vet. Being around animals my whole life I know when something is wrong. I’m just in TOTAL denial. Its like when I knew Secret needed put down. Sindri is really only the second animal of mine and mine alone that has died. :\ I dont think it ever gets easier.

That kind of emotional attachment to a creature that dislikes me so strongly is how I KNOW that animals are my thing. What I was put here to do. Sometimes I wish it was to do computers, cars, sales, etc. Something that didnt require emotional attachment that was ultamately a count down to the end. A compassionate person. I must do what I was made to do. Even if that means Holding a hamster who is giving birth 😛

{October 26, 2010}   escape

et cetera